Jokes

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his
rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him
a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man,
"This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on
that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts
laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the
house", the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house.
Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two
bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these
two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick
off."

The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You
know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

So ... the other day, my friends and I went to this "Night Club."

One of the guys wanted to impress us, so he pulls out a $10
bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the
$10 and put it on her butt cheek.

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. He
calls the girl back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on her
other butt cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us,
my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back
over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of her
butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I
do to top that?

I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... and then the
financial analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card,
swiped it down the crack of her ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and
went home!

LMAO!!!

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic. "Why" asks his father? "The teacher asked "How much
is 2x3?" and I said "6". "But that's right!", says Johnny's
father. "Then she asked me, "how much is 2x3?"
"What's the fucking difference?" says Johnny's

father.








Little Johnny: "That's what I said!"

Safe Sex Saves Souls So Screw Someone Special Soon.....

better keep that in mind

Q: Why were blondes created?


A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge

This is one of my favorite jokes........

Three generations of hookers were sitting around the brothel
one day just talking about the business. The youngest one
complained, "You know Mom and Grandma, now guys want a blow job
and a fuck for $100! I don't think I can stay in business at
those prices."

Her Mom thinks for a while and says, "Well dear, in my day we
would give a blow job and for only $25 and we considered
ourselves lucky to get that!"

Grandma looks at her daughter and her grandaughter and says,
"The both of you don't know what tough times really are. Back
during the depression we used to give blow jobs for free
because we were just glad to get something warm in our
stomachs!"

:laughinghard:

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,
"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last
night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.
Both of them. Twice.

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were
in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are
you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all
gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when
you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt,
removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they
stuck. She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"

Why do women have to where a cup when they skydive?

So they don't whistle!